You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
