K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
