don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
