My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i have two assholes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
