pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
