I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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