did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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