I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
