OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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