It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize