she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
