She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
