Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
