My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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