so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
