i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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