I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
