I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
