Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
