lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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