We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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