two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
