I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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