my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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