Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
