let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
