So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
