I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
