whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
