If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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