The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
did you just send me my own nude
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
