end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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