Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
