One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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