I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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