Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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