Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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