I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
