u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
