is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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