last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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