hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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