thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
