he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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