Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
