Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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