a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want a musical about memes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
