If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
