p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was born a porn star she said
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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