1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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