If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
