I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
