Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
