i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
should my penis look like a turkey
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
