your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
