i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
