After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last night I used snow as a chaser
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
