My nipple is on Facebook.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
