Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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