There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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