sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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