We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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