Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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