he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
