i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
