she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Green mimosas i think yes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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