I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
